How to Have More Sex in Your Relationship: Why Pressure Kills Desire
Are you feeling stuck in a cycle of wanting more intimacy but unsure how to spark that connection? It’s common for couples to experience mismatched libidos or struggle with maintaining a passionate connection over time. Instead of putting pressure on yourself or your partner to have more sex, let’s explore a more effective—and compassionate—approach.
By understanding the two opposing forces at play in arousal, the "sexual brakes" and the "sexual accelerators," you can uncover what’s holding you back and reignite the spark in your relationship.
The Dynamic Duo of Arousal: Brakes vs. Accelerators
In every relationship, arousal is influenced by two opposing forces:
Sexual Brakes: These are the factors that suppress desire, like stress, unresolved tension, or even practical issues like feeling too full after dinner. They keep your foot on the brake pedal, slowing down or halting arousal altogether.
Sexual Accelerators: These are the factors that ignite desire, like emotional connection, playful spontaneity, or intentional preparation for intimacy. They press the gas pedal and fuel arousal.
By identifying and addressing these forces, you can create an environment that supports intimacy rather than suppresses it.
Common Sexual Brakes
Here are some of the most frequent reasons arousal gets stuck in neutral:
Stress (from work, money, kids, etc.), anxiety, or unresolved resentment
Fear of rejection or lack of initiation
A routine rut: work, dinner, TV, bed — for more read: How to Break Free from the “Roommate Rut”
Negative self-talk or body insecurities
Messy or uninviting environment
Physical discomfort or low libido
Lack of emotional connection and communication
Common Sexual Accelerators
On the flip side, these are some ways to create more flow in your intimate connection:
Engage in activities that bring you into your body (like yoga or dancing)
Break up routines with spontaneity and fun
Prioritize emotional intimacy and meaningful conversations
Practice body acceptance and self-love
Initiate intimacy with no strings attached
Create a relaxing, tidy environment
Plan for intimacy—schedule a date night or prepare a sensual meal
Play together and laugh often
Ensure you and your partner get enough rest
The Key Takeaway
Can you see how putting pressure on yourself or your partner might act as a "sexual brake"? Instead, focus on curiosity and exploration. What small changes can you make to eliminate the brakes in your relationship? How can you support each other in creating a space where intimacy can thrive naturally?
Conclusion
Building a fulfilling and passionate intimate connection doesn’t have to feel like a chore. By identifying the sexual brakes and accelerators in your relationship, you can open the door to deeper connection and pleasure—without pressure.
Take this as an invitation to discuss these factors with your partner. Share this post with them to start the conversation and explore what supports or inhibits your arousal together. Remember: intimacy isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection.
Share this with your partner to begin transforming your relationship today. 💕
Are you ready to receive deeper support in the realms of sex, love & relationships? If so, I’m your go to intimacy expert! Click the link below to learn how to work with me through my online programs, luxury 1 on 1 coaching, couples coaching & more.