How to Let Go of People-Pleasing and Step Into Your Authentic Self

Are you caught up in the fear of what others think of you, holding back from truly living the life you feel called to lead? If you’ve ever found yourself self abandoning by changing your words, actions, or even values to gain others' approval, you’re not alone. People-pleasing is a habit many of us unknowingly develop as a way to feel safe, accepted, or loved. But here’s the truth: people-pleasing isn’t about connection or authenticity—it’s a pattern that actually keeps us small and disconnected from our true selves.

When I look back, I realize I was a master at people-pleasing. I wanted everyone to like me, so I became hyper-focused on whether people approved of me, instead of checking in with myself and asking if I even liked them. In the process, I lost touch with my own values and desires, disconnected from my own discernment about the character of others and if they even deserved to be let in to my most intimate conversations.

As we grow and evolve, we begin to crave authenticity more than approval. We start feeling this pull to express our true selves, even if it disrupts the status quo of who people think we are. This is where the journey of releasing people-pleasing really begins.

How People-Pleasing Shows Up:

1. Saying Yes When You Mean No
   You might find yourself committing to things you don’t want to do—social events, extra work, favors—simply because you don’t want to disappoint someone. This habit is exhausting and leaves little room for your own joy.

2. Seeking Approval Before Making Decisions
   People-pleasers often look for others' opinions before making choices, big or small. This keeps you from standing firm in your own values and acting in alignment with who you truly are.

3. Apologizing Excessively
   You apologize for things that don’t warrant an apology—sometimes for merely existing. This signals to others (and yourself) that you believe your needs or presence are a burden.

4. Avoiding Conflict at All Costs
   In order to maintain harmony, you suppress your true thoughts and feelings, avoiding difficult conversations or confrontations. This leads to resentment and a feeling of being unseen or unheard.

5. Feeling Responsible for Others' Emotions
   You might catch yourself trying to keep everyone around you happy, feeling personally responsible for their emotional states. This is a heavy, unrealistic burden that takes away from your own joy.

Why People-Pleasing is Actually Selfish

It may seem counterintuitive, but people-pleasing isn’t the “selfless” act we often think it is. At its core, it’s driven by a desire to control how others perceive us—a form of manipulation aimed at creating a sense of safety, love, or belonging. This “pleasing” behavior has less to do with genuinely connecting with others and more to do with gaining something in return, even if that’s just the illusion of approval.

How to Release People-Pleasing and Embrace Your Truth

Releasing people-pleasing is about reclaiming your power and choosing yourself—your vision, values, and joy—over external validation. Here’s how to get started:

1. Take Inventory of Your Life
   Where are you saying yes out of obligation? Which areas in your life feel heavy or draining? Make a list, and be honest with yourself. This clarity will help you start releasing what no longer serves your vision.

2. Practice Saying No
   Start small. The next time you’re asked to do something that doesn’t resonate with you, take a breath and politely decline. Notice the relief and energy that staying true to yourself brings.

3. Challenge Your Beliefs About Approval
   Remind yourself: the only approval you truly need is your own. When you feel the urge to please someone, pause and ask if it aligns with your values. Honor your own opinion over others'.

4. Embrace Authentic Expression
   Speak your truth. Express yourself freely, even if it’s uncomfortable. The people meant to be in your life will accept and respect the real you.

5. Create Boundaries for Your Energy
   Your time and energy are sacred. Guard them by setting boundaries that protect your peace and joy. Surround yourself with people, activities, and environments that uplift you.

Closing Thoughts

Stepping out of people-pleasing and into your authentic self is a profound act of self-love. By choosing honesty and alignment over the temporary comfort of approval, you’ll attract relationships and experiences that truly resonate with who you are. Take this journey one step at a time—honoring your true self along the way. As you do, you’ll find freedom, peace, and joy that no amount of people-pleasing could ever bring.

Release what doesn’t serve you, align with your truth, and watch as your life transforms into a reflection of your deepest values and dreams.